truthfully

I just want to scream,


"FUCK IT!"

Dem L Rides

I love going on L rides with really close people

Anyways we got on the crazy topic of life and death

and my friend explained how he didn't want to die or thought it was meaningless to live..just because you're going to die in the end...whats the point?

I couldn't agree with that at all...

No way do I think it's pointless or no way in hell I'd want to live forever. The way I see it my mom and dad could of have many combinations of kids, but I was created, so right there is luckiest thing. If one different sperm got into that egg I wouldn't be here... Scary thought right?
So I consider myself lucky. Also, I'm enjoying living life, but I'm sure in 50 or 60 years if I make it that long... I'ma be ready to die. As long as you do everything you wanted in life... I mean it's time to go. I use to work in a nursing home when I was like 14 and I talked to plenty of elderly people who were just ready to die. They said they had the best life the could and now it's just time for peace. Death is no way something I think people should be scared of. I'm personally not at all. You only live once, and if you do it right, once is perfect. So just do it "right" and you make up whats right for you. If you're happy, fuck everything else. It doesn't matter. I'm living my life how I want to, and I'm perfectly content. There is no way in hell I want to give life a second shot or live forever.

The truth is:

" In the end we all die, the goal is to not live forever, but to create something that will"

all i can say for sure...

is you need to clean yourself up and quick

I'd hate to see this end because of your foolishness

I keep trying to help you but you won't let me

you won't talk to me

I'm tired of you taking things out on me

twisting shit on me as if it's all my fault

and other stuff


I'm here to help you out, but you won't let me

You keep saying all this stuff and now you're making me start to think twice

which means I won't be here for long if you keep this up

I'm sorry, it just won't happen

but I'ma leave that up to you to you.. to decide

after all, you don't even know what you want.

you better make your mind up quick...else ima do it for you

I can't get these knots out of my damn stomach


I feel so sick it just brings me to my knees

i really wish it'd go away

I swear it I'm cursed

I have to be

It just keeps eating at me and eating at me

I really can't describe it, I wish I knew what it was

I wish I could uplift this damn curse

Forgive me, but I do not know how much longer I can do this

I'm sorry for what I might have to do

...somebody is going to die tonight...



ain't nothing I'm not used to

Where have you gone?

Personally I loved December.

I loved it a lot more when I was a wee lad. I loved the fireplaces, walking around the neighborhood smelling peoples fires,the Christmas lights everywhere, people smiling and waving. IT WAS JUST ALL AROUND AMAZING. I miss it a lot

I'm rather disgusted to say how much I've learned to despise this time of year. What was once my favroite season and month has now turned into something I can't stand. Everyone is so caught up in stupid bullshit each year. As I get older I noticed it gets worse. I miss fires in my fireplace and singing christmas songs and even going to look at lights. No one ever smiles anymore or anything. Everyone is so caught up in money issues and presents and other dumb bullshit. I hate it. FUCK PRESENTS, if I could have it my way, on christmas I just wish I could have everyone I cared for around a huge fireplace and smoking bluntz hahaha =] or just everyone chillen in by a fire and just having a good time.

I'm so tired of so much. I'm not depressed at all. So I hope who ever reads this doesn't think I'm depressed or something, trust me I'm far from it. I'm just fed up.

My mom told my sister shes kicked out when she's 18. I've never seen them fight this bad before. She started stealing my moms money and such, and on top of that she owes my mom hundred of dollars. I really don't know how I feel bout it. I know my sister would never last on her own. Haha she can't even support her self when she has somewhere free to stay you know?

I really can't wait till I finish school. about a yr and a half left and then I want to start anew.

I PROMISE THE FIRST PERSON WHO CAN TAKE ME AWAY FROM HERE FOR AWHILE WITH LOW EXPENSES OR PROMISE A BETTER LIFE THEN I WILL LOVE YOU FOREVER.

this is getting so old....

??????????

Disclaimer: don't take this to heart, it's nothing personal, I just feel like venting


but damn.. I must not be doing something right? I've never met a girl who dates someone and wants to get so involved with their exes again?

No I'm not a jealous type or anything like that

and personally, I must admit 9/10 would never let it slide

No I wouldn't do anything DRASTIC if you hung out with your exes
but I swear if I found out anything or if you lied to me bout the slightest detail I wouldn't even want to reason with you.

I guess I'm just lost because:

1)you openly admitted to me you would never want to hang out with your certain ex one on one. Why? Becuase you told me you jsut couldn't.. and I know what you meant by that and I know what you meant by that. You just said it wasn't a good idea. you almost sounded like you couldn't trust yourself bout it?

2) You broke my trust with the whole exes thing MORE THAN ONCE and I know I'm working on it... I've almost let that go

3) You just told me last weekend or so he told you all this stuff bout how much he missed you and was sorry and blah blah not going into detail. So you kind of know what his intentions are? But you still consider wanting to hang out with him?

No I wouldn't do anything drastic... and I guess I would force myself to get over.. I could just promise it wouldn't be healthy for our relationship... I wouldn't say it would end it though



but then again... maybe I'm over reacting?

did you know?

The biggest room in the world, is the room for IMPROVEMENT

Hey you out there!?

There has got to be someone who feels just like me
I'm tired of being numb
I'm tired of being so cold
I want nothing more but to just come home
but I saw the dove fly far away today
and somehow it took my spirit with it
I have turned my back on everybody I once cared for
if they don't believe in me, why should I believe in them?
My best is never enough...never enough
is it?
I want to find someone that can relate to me for once
I know you're out there, but where are you?
For once, I want someone to be content with me, who I am, what I am to come, and most of all

what I have to offer

Last night was... I just don't know how to explain

I thought I was going out with my girlfriend last night... she asked me earlier in the week to be her date to some party...but uh... I guess she didn't want me to go? I don't know what happened?



It's whatever though... I ended up going to the beach to some party. OF COURSE you'd be there...I should have known...something told me you would be there. I wish I didn't see you, I wish you didn't come up and talk to me and even more I wish you didn't tell me you missed me. The whole night you just kept trying to talk to me... it's just not in me... I can't do it, you try to get me feeling all nostalgic I really do hate it... We ended and I wouldn't change that now, SORRY

the truth is I found someone new and she easily towers over you

I DON'T KNOW WHAT I BELIEVE IN ANYMORE

Not Alone...

To all you heroin addicts,
I can relate;
To the lonely girl sitting in the corner,
I can relate;
To all the alcoholics,
I can relate;
To the all the suicidal people,
I can relate;
To the people who have been jaded, abandoned, left for dead
this is for you
You are not alone
I know what it is to have nothing
to want change so bad,
but even more, to be afraid of it
the only thought or feeling left
is the feeling of hope
but this feeling, my friends
is what keeps us preserving on
we are this, this hope in our hearts
we are this, this great movement
as long as there hope we can do anything
so don't ever lose hope,
or you have officially lost it all
hope is the only thing that will never turn it's back on you
you are not in this alone
we are not in this alone

Get off my cloud

The human species would thrive better in isolation, retarded, and without the capability of annunciation.

How would we interact with one another? With joy and happiness.
Could it be that whats inferior is really superior?
A supreme being?
Socialization is a form of regression.
Therefore the measure is nonexistent for progression.
This world cant bring me to my knees when it's dead to me.
Our society's apathy will never get the best of me.

So I live in confinement because this is bullshit, I repent.
I look at a crowd of empty faces, kids who just don't give a shit.
Free thought is scorned upon.
If you're a victim you're a pawn.
Can't cut loose with no excuse.
Unaccountable, we're enslaved and can't be saved when we believe "everything happens for a reason."

To not accept our "fate" is moral treason.
We turn a blind eye to the problems of man because it's part of gods "master plan."
Centuries of religious archetypes is how this all began.
We must break free from the shackles of thought to fucking understand.
That our fear of death is what fucking kills us.
We're slaves to our gods and we can never be free.
We can never be free of the tyranny of bigotry within the bourgeoisie.
Where a system based on greed is fucking drowning me.

Just because you close your eyes doesn't mean the world disappears.

We're truly blind when our imaginations are filled with fears.
I believe in myself and my heart.
Not religious zealotry that is used to rule you and me,
Where god is made into a cheap fucking whore.
Our lord should deserve more.
So I broke free from the fallacies.
I don't need a savior because I saved myself.

enough said.

Dreaming...

I've been having these weird dreams lately
like am I sleeping or is this reality?
I've been falling down this black hole for way too long
I go to scream but nothing comes out,
as this black monster swallows me
I hit the ground with loud thud
I look around to read sign
"Welcome to your heart"
I tried to talk to God again
but he takes too many vacations
I find a small door that reads "more"
Exiting out of the this hole
into an environment that was too cold
I need find a new high, a better supply
I talk to stranger who said he could take me there
He whispered in my ear you have nothing to fear
he told me he had the perfect cure
he told me what he had was pure
I just told him I needed a new addiction
He told me death would solve it all
I realized I had something better
told him I didn't have enough to pay
so we parted our ways

I just can't tell if I am still dreaming or not...

" Do you care if i don't know what to say?
Will you sleep tonight, will you think of me
Will i shake this off, pretend its all okay
That there's someone out there who feels just like me
There is......"

Generation Y aka the "Millennials"

So I'm sitting here in class and I just had to do a presentation on Millenials.

Millenials are us, my age group, my generation. The "we" generation. Groups are the way to go to get work done.

We are the proud tech savvy kids who are a lot more liberal. We are the social networking group. 97% of us have a computer. 82% of us own a cell phone. We stay in contact through, IM, text, e-mail or websites.

Believe it or not we have the highest test score average. It steadily is still going up today, also millenials have a lower crime rate and teen pregnancy rate.

We are more open about issues. Gay marriage, drugs, religon, and many other culture issues. Religon is a dying factor in our generation. I can't say that's really a bad thing. I am not religous at all and personally think it's a way to brainwash kids.

I can say I'm proud to be a part of our generation and I fall into many of these characteristics. For one, I am an enviromentalist. I have done plenty of community service to help better our enviroment and commmunity. I try to save as much energy I can and preserve water. I'm not a big fan of wasting anything.

Anyways, I just thought a lot of that information was kind of intresting. It's all so very true to me. There is no denying it at all.

Starting Fre$$$$h

So I moved from XANGA to here

Mostly because I had to make one in class for a grade

and now I'm just going to use it

I've had an xanga for over four years now

time to move on hahaha