"You're beautiful"

I told think anyone but my mom has ever told me that in my life. For no reason ever she just came out and said it. I like that word "beautiful" It makes you feel really good about yourself. It's not only a word that describes attractiveness, but a word that describes a person as a whole. When she said, I really felt it.

I probably should have kissed her right then and there. The past two weeks we've hung out I loved it though. I don't wanna ruin that. We've spent the night each other three times now and yet to kiss. To be honest I don't really wanna kiss her. I doubt I'd feel anything to be honest. I'm way too numb. I just know shes a lot of fun. Since Thursday we've hung out everyday.

Those days included: dance parties, bowling, shopping, baking cookies, watching Christmas lights, pointless drives, Christmas Parade!, screaming, swings, and endless conversation. It weird cause I talk bout Nicole to her alot. She doesn't seem to mind though, which is good, because I need someone to listen to me for once.

Then she asked me a question.. one that stays in back of my head...

"Do you want Nicole back?"

For the first time I realized what it is I want.. and I can fully admit it.

"I love the girl to death, she haves no idea, and to be honest I know I could make her the happiest person alive if she ever let me, but the truth is when you truly love somebody, you just want them to be happy...even if it's out of your control...."

I've never spoken a more truthful statement.

For the first time in awhile I am completely content with life. It has nothing to do with someone else making me feel content. Only I can make myself content, specially right now. It is the fact that I realized how proud of myself I am and better yet, how truly beautiful I am.