I saw the sorrow

in your eyes again.

You hate whats happened to your life don't you?

I have never been a big fan of my father. He is indeed a raging alcoholic. My earliest childhood memories are of him hitting/threatening my mother or I. He has had FOUR DUI charges against him. 3/4 wrecking vehicles. He has torn you apart. You lost your kids over it, you lost your beautiful wife over it, and worst of all your pride over it.

I saw the sorrow Tuesday while your plastered. I can't remember the last time I've seen or talk to you completely sober. I see the pain behind those eyes. You couldn't control your demons your whole life and it caught up to you. Your attitude and alcohol have caused you to lose everything. You might be fooling everybody else, but I see straight through you. You would do anything to go back and time and have my mother back as your wife. To raise my sister and I the way we should have been brought up. No you fucked up it all up. Now the only thing left for you to do is to drown yourself is more alcohol. Try to drown out the memories, it doesn't work, it makes it worse.

Now I know why I'm so against alcohol. I like to drink, but at the same time i despise it. I much rather have sober fun. I'm so over the party scene but sadly that's all there is to ever do. Last weekend was so much fun. I was on the edge of my seat for three/four days straight and I was completely sober the whole time. That is honestly the BEST kind of fun. I don't need alcohol to have a good time.

I get so scared I might have the alcoholic gene in me. That I could be next... I've seen it come out in before.. I swear never on my life will that happen again. Seeing you after 8 months did me good. It reminded me of everything I don't ever wanna be. It reminded me that as much as I used to hate you.. you're my biggest hero. I'm so proud of myself today thanks to you. I look at you in disgust and never want to be that. I may have had an incident but it will never happen again. Your demon will never take over me again.

I thank you dad, because of you I am who I am today. I find myself completely beautiful and the best part is.. I'm so much better then that

I wouldn't change the way you brought me up for anything in the world.