Mind at Ease

It's time I cool off

I don't know whats got into me recently but I have just been uptight.
I've been worrying bout shit I don't need to.. just in general.

It's true. You do want to be with me and that's all that matters. We've been through a lot on both ends and I want to benefit from it. I really don't know why I've acted the way I have sometimes. I hate it to be completely honest. Yea you do shit to piss me off, but that's going to happen and how I react is on me. Not anybody else.

Your attitude has effected me so much that I'm starting to get one. I'm turning into this monster I never was before. I refuse to turn into that and I won't. I'm stopping myself while I realize it now. That's not me and I won't let you turn me into that.

I want to help you. I really do but the key is to wanting to help yourself. If you don't want to then I can't help and if I can't help I just can't stay.

I love you kid and I'm trying here, but you got to want it to change too.

I want my end to change

Only time will tell.. only time will tell.

Tonight I steal the show

Set your cameras
to black and white
tonight we die
without putting up a fight

tip the glass one last time
in the end, we love, goodbye

Just dance with me one last time
dance with me, before this dies
can't you see everything your destroying
the world burts in flames as you waltz

this bottle has ran out
which menas i'm outta luck
it's no good to me..shattered

So lets paint this canvas
your best art is when your hands are stained with blood
this painting is all thats left

I have burnt my eyes trying to find a reason why this feel apart

I'm breathing oceans
burning bridges
and distorting my loses
the waves on my back will tear at my heart no more

I'll show you how this could be done, real passion and real grace, my love
I'm not faceless like the fraud you used to give yourself to

don't sail away tonight
becuase I can feel you when you leave

I will not die your hero

(I finally got my groove back to write again)

it explains alot =]

Everybody asks me

why I let her treat me like this

and I finally realized today

I dont know why

i miss you

A lot a lot a lot


Bleh

you just can't

treat people like that

I really suck

at planning surprises

haha this happens every time

but I'm determined to surprise you someday, somehow


well change of plans for saturday

It's official

I'm running away... far far far away

It dosen't feel right here
I don't feel right here

I want to be better

I want out of here

you get caught up, in these same social circles; you watch people destroy themselves. I'm so tired of seeing blank faces.

I feel helpless,useless,mistreated, underestimated. I just don't feel like I truely make anyone happy anymore.

If I do people have a weird way of showing it.

dispite how everyone acts, I'm still happy as can be its weird.
It feels good to know someone else out there can understand.

PS: forgive me, it was outta my control


make me d i s s a p e a r

CLear Mind

I need to put all my focus to school

I need to get involed in the web club.

I got about a year left and need to get all the expierence I can.

bleh

the blackberry matt gave me is killing me. I need a new one I don't know if it's the battery or the phone. I've been looking on e-bay. Moneys just so tight; Nicoles birthday in two weeks and then Christmas is only two months away.

I dont even like christmas

Its been a few days

I've been rather lazy.. maybe it's the drugs I got prescribed

Anyways surgery Wednesday went well. I get results in a week. the pain killers they gave me are amazing

I really wish It would stop raining this weekend so Nicole and I can go do fun things


also, resident evil 5 r00lez

I'll make a better post when I get my mind back

take me take me

back to your bed

I love you so much that it hurts my head

I said I don't mind you under my skin

I'll let the bad parts in...the bad parts in

PS:

don't talk about your Texas "friend" around me

I know how you talk to him

I know how you did talk to him

I know how you feel about him

I'm sorry but I don't wanna hear bout him

passion

I want it.

I miss it

Bleh

MAKE IT STOP

these dreams
nightmares
hauntings
curse

what ever you want to call it

I CAN'T DO IT ANYMORE

I'm losing it. I can't ever sleep at night because these demons come and take over. These dreams eat me alive. I wake up panicking, angry, screaming, sweating, and annoyed. I can't sleep anymore. It's this never ending battle as these hauntings infiltrate my unconscious and spread like malignant disease. My nights have turned into tossing and turning, which leads my days filled to being a blank slate, a zombie so to speak.

What did I do to deserve this? Why did other people do this to me? Why did you do this to me? Why did I do this to myself? WHY WON'T THEY GO AWAY

I can't do it anymore.. I just can't its effecting my whole life.

Somethings gotta give, I'm going to make it give.

I found the perfect word

Ironic.

It describes everything you do or say...maybe irony isn't the word... but until I find a better word irony will do.. I want to say its almost hypocritical? but that's a little too harsh



so ironic will do for now

Baby

just say yes

spun

out

"I prayed for you today"

That made me smile.

for everyone who knows my view on religon.. it kind of weird to hear me say that

but out of no where my friend Kelly tells me I prayed for you tonight. Shes big into religon we always go back and forth. but it felt good to have someone I don't know too well to tell me they prayed for me

right then and there I felt relieved and at east.

I wish I knew how to explain it

maybe its the fact it feels good to know that people care?

It all makes sense now

I'm finally at ease

It took me awhile to understand but I do now

thank you =]