or were you predestined to do whatever, that some higher power pre-packaged our life before we were ever born.
I just can't believe in the whole destiny thing.. I mean i do to an extent but not on my whole life.
I believe you choose your path, no makes you make the decisions you make. You choose them and therefore should be held responsible. I refuse to believe that some higher power is in control of me.. what would be the point? In that case i was created to die before I'm even 21 from a disease. As much as its been brough up and all these medical things going on in my life.. I just won't grasp that. I won't accept the fact that some disease will be my demise in like a year.. just no way. I talk bout it with people and they get all sad. I mean it's depressing yes, but not to me?
I start treatment in like two weeks and I'm kinda nervous yes. There will be alot of side effects once I start but I know I'll be fine.
On the fate part.. I do believe some things are fate... Its really funny how life can play its self out. I'm glad the past few weeks that I over came everything within myself. I didn't have to show my emotions out.. just learned how to deal with them. How to let go, not just of the whole girl situation, but just of myself. It's all learning experiences and I don't regret a thing. In a weird sense I'm kinda glad everything came crashing down on me. It proved I can handle my self. It taught me how to cope with a lot, that I can overcome anything, even this damn disease. I learned so much bout myself the past few weeks and it's amazing. I love who I have became/becoming. years ago I never thought I'd be this mature on so many situations.
Was it fate with the jenny thing? A girl I've talked to for at least what? 7 months now? and then all of a sudden all this happened.. like right at the perfect time. It's so crazy how everything just falls together. Nicole tells me she won't go to warped tour with me.. and then 20 minutes later jenny calls and I went with her. Is it a coincidence? Fate? Luck? I don't know what to call it the past few days. I just know I met her for a reason. That our story so far is one of a movie. No we ain't in love or even close. to be honest.. I don't think I'll ever experience love.. I mean I'd like to someday? I ain't in no rush I like just letting things happen.. life's so much better when you just go with it. Stop living in denial, stop living a lie, it just don't work. You slowly destroy yourself and just dig it deeper. You have to sort yourself out before you can worry bout other people. FIND WHO YOU ARE. Love yourself before you can someone else. I personally can say that I do love myself. I look at other people and not to be cocky, but I just know that I'm so much better then that.
Its kinda of crazy to see how happy I am when besides the whole jenny thing, everything around me has come crashing down. Whether it's girls, house life, my life whatever. It feels good to take a step outta everything and just watch it go by. To not stress over it, it ain't worth it, not even this cancer bullshit.
I absolutely love who I'm growing up to be, and it sucks for whoever doesn't want to be a part of that.
I got so much to offer.. oh so much :)
7 days :)
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