Sanity

Ill regain my sanity

when these goodbyes become memories

It's true

the hardest thing for just about any guy is talk about their emotions. It's a proven fact that no guy like to feel he is vulnerable. It's a sign of weakness which in the male gender, is not wanted. We want to be tough, hard headed and essentially numb. For a man to love someone he has to admit vulnerability. The fact he can accept he was a weakness. This weakness being whatever girl/man in his life. I guess that was the hardest thing for me to accept so long. I have been numb for as long as I can remember. I was invulnerable to emotions and people. Nothing mattered to me. Now all of that has changed for me. I have realized what it's like to feel. I have met someone who has somehow made me vulnerable. What scares people so much is the fact that being vulnerable means you can so easily be crushed.

this is where you decide... is it worth it or not?

I have decided it's worth it, I'm willing to admit I'm now vulnerable for someone. That this one girl could so easily crush my world.

I am in fact in love with my girlfriend Nicole Leigh Baumbach

and I officially have no problem admitting that

Best feeling to me...

I felt it again last night

all though it was a bit too chilly, it's laying in sand with someone or people close to you while looking at the stars. I love doing it when I'm high and just laying there staring into space. It makes you question everything you've ever believed. Everything looks so infinite from the beach. Like for those moments in time everything is so surreal. There are no problems , no pain, no stress or anything. I love the warm sand between my toes and the cool breeze on my face. I could lay in the sand forever with certain people.

I needed that last night. I've been so stressed out lately. I'm starting to realize how much time I really don't have to fit in my friends, school, girlfriend, and family. Everyone wants so much from me and I just can't deliver. Sorry but my school is coming before anybody. I've started to slip up a little recently because I let my friends and girlfriend get in the way. I'm sorry but I'm re evaluating my priorities.. I got to see what I really have spare time for anymore. My school work is picking up.. with every new class.. which means it's time to dedicate more time into that and less into other things

bleh... we shall see though.. It's practically summer time.. but it sure as hell don't feel like it

Last night.

I went to the Parkway Drive and MCMB show which I haven't been to a show in some time. First thing when I get there is I realize I know practically nobody at all. Everybody was new or looked like they were still in high school. Finally, later on more kids that I knew ended up showing up, but it was so weird. I felt old in a sense.

overall, the show was fun though. I jumped off the bar, which is only my second time doing so at this venue. It was perfect because there were like 200 kids all bundled up in this tiny bar. I forgot how much fun shows are when tons of kids are there. I think the crowd was craziest for mychildren mybride. Which is weird because I was there the first time they ever came to my area. I think the lead singer is the only original member.

Which I miss his sister a lot. Even though shes from Alabama we used to be really close. She started dating this guy and pretty much left the face of the Earth. SO I HATE YOU BETHANY HASTING

Anyways, i came out all hot and sweaty but unharmed. Unlike many other kids who I saw bleeding... that shit must suck

I can't wait for another decent show to come... I miss head walking hahaha

Yesterday was a lot of fun though

It's time I realize

we don't have a real relationship


who are we kidding?

i miss

the cold weather :(